duane Report This Comment Date: September 15, 2005 02:21AM
Yellowbeard (1983)
Plot Summary: Yellowbeard, a pirate's pirate, is allowed to escape from prison
to lead the authorities to his treasure... (more)
Cast overview, first billed only:
Graham Chapman .... Captain Yellowbeard
Peter Boyle .... Moon
Cheech Marin .... El Segundo (as Richard 'Cheech' Marin)
Tommy Chong .... El Nebuloso
Peter Cook .... Lord Percy Lambourn
Marty Feldman .... Gilbert
Martin Hewitt .... Dan
Michael Hordern .... Dr. Gilpin
Eric Idle .... Commander Clement
Madeline Kahn .... Betty
James Mason .... Captain Hughes
John Cleese .... Harvey 'Blind' Pew
Kenneth Mars .... Mr. Crisp and Verdugo
Spike Milligan .... Flunkie
Stacy Nelkin .... Triola (as Stacey Nelkin)
Memorable Quotes from
Yellowbeard (1983)
[Examining Yellowbeard's treasure]
El Nebuloso: Who is it more important to please: the King of Spain, or God?
El Segundo: Why, God, of course.
El Nebuloso: And who is God's personal representative in these parts?
El Segundo: Why, you, your holy ruthlessness.
El Nebuloso: Well, God wants to keep all of it.
Narrator: The pirate Yellowbeard captured many other galleons, killing over
five-hundred men in cold blood. He would tear the captains hearts out and
swallow them whole. Often forcing his victims to eat their own lips, he was
caught and imprisoned... for tax evasion.
Yellowbeard: She couldn't be your mother. No woman ever slept with me and
lived.
Betty: When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.
Yellowbeard: Does he know about this?
Betty: Oh, no no no, that's why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That
may be why he's a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like
that.
Dan: Look, if you cut my head off it'll start to putrify!
Yellowbeard: Do what?
Dan: Putrify, go rotten!
Yellowbeard: Yeah, it would ooze a lot, heads do. But I could live with
that.
Yellowbeard: Betrayin's all part of piratin'. If you don't know that you're not
even close to being a pirate, "Prawn of my loins", my foot!
Dan: What?
Yellowbeard: You're either born a pirate or not! It's in the blood Dan, and it's
not in your blood or you'd have betrayed me long ago!
Betty: That's Yellowbeard.
Yellowbeard: I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!
Yellowbeard: Where's the map?
Betty: What map?
Yellowbeard: If you say you don't know where it is, I'll nail your tits to the
table!
Dan: Everyone will be following you and if they catch you they'll have the
map.
Yellowbeard: Bugger them! I'll eat it first. Won't be the first head I've
eaten.
Betty: It's been twenty years since we had a little cuddle, and what do you do?
Come in and give me a kiss? No, you rush in and hack a hole in the wall.
Betty: Well, it's been awhile since we had a little cuddle.
Yellowbeard: I raped ya, if that's what you mean.
Betty: Okay. It was half-cuddle, half-rape.
Yellowbeard: I'm sure I killed the last one I raped, it can't have been you.
Betty: Well, the afterplay was a bit on the rough side, but not fatal dear.
Harvey "Blind" Pew: It sounded as though there was a bit of a
squabble.
Commander Clement: Squabble? They're all dead!
Harvey "Blind" Pew: All? Must have been more of a tiff then.
Yellowbeard: Oh, been out raping, lad?
[sees Troila]
Yellowbeard: Nice work lad.
Dan: No, I haven't raped her!
Yellowbeard: [disappointed] No, you wouldn't have you poncy little git! You're
not the prawn of my loins, your mother's a bloody liar!
[grins]
Yellowbeard: That's what I liked about her!
Lady Lambourne: Stop that man pissin' on the hedge. It's imported!
Troila: What's happened to Daddy?
Yellowbeard: I killed him!
Dan: He's gone to heaven.
Troila: Aw, that's nice! He sent all his friends there.
Yellowbeard: With your head on my shoulders we could wreck civilization!
Yellowbeard: Dying's the easy way out. You won't catch me dying. They'll have to
kill me before I die!
Betty: I think it was the shark what jogged my memory.
Harvey 'Blind' Pew: I may be blind, but I have acute 'earing.
Commander Clement: I'm not interested in your jewellery.
Lord Lambourn: I thought this was an atoll.
Dr. Gilpin: Not at all.
Betty: If there's one thing I've learned, it's learning things never taught me
nuthin'. And books is the worst.
Flunkie: The fat one sitting on the throne is the Queen.
Yellowbeard: Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead.
Betty: I'm talking about the fruit of your loins.
Yellowbeard: Fruit of me loins? I haven't got fruit in me loins! Lice, yes, and
proud of 'em, but no fruit!
Mansell: That wasn't strictly true, was it sir?
Commander Clement: No, Mansell, it was what we in the British Navy call... a
lie.
.
